This article totally describes my relationship with my ex. Reading it kind of made me feel slightly better about the situation. He suffers from mental illness (untreated) and I generally attribute every strange thing he does to that. But this article seems to suggest that he is not the only ex who has trouble respecting boundaries.
Last year, when my ex’s rent was raised and he needed to move he suggested that I allow him to live in our basement. He said it in jest, but it was clear what his true intentions were. It bothered me because he made this remark repeatedly in front of our children, which, of course, sounded like a great idea to them.
He doesn’t respect my boundaries at all. He thinks that I should hug him hello and goodbye each time I see him and when I refuse he is insulted. When I reject him he often counters with, “why do you hate me so much?”.
The truth is despite all the things he’s done to me I don’t hate him at all. He has problems, serious ones, that he can’t seem to get under control; that is what destroyed our marriage. At the core, I know he is a good person, but he is a person that I cannot have a relationship with (beyond co-parenting).
It’s difficult for me to put my foot down because of his issues and his sensitivity. If I come down too hard on him he becomes spiteful… like he’ll withold child support, or be unreasonable about visitations. So I frequently give in just to avoid his nasty side. But this is not working for me. I can’t be friends with him. My respect for him is gone. It’s become difficult for me to even be cordial towards him.
There are certainly times when his help and support are much wanted and appreciated, but unfortunately when this occurs he immediately interprets my needing his assistance as me wanting him. I have put a stop to asking him for help, unless it is absolutely necessary for the welfare of our children.
Every Wednesday I run into a problem. He takes Wednesdays off to spend them with the girls. He picks them up from school and then brings them back to my house and hangs out for the rest of the day. He does this because he is lazy and wants to avoid rush hour traffic driving back and forth to his apartment.
This puts me in an awkward position; I don’t want to be around him, but at the same time I don’t really have anywhere else to be.
Last week, I decided I would just hide in my room. Except he and the girls continuously came upstairs and would bother me. I don’t so much mind the girls, but I certainly do not want my ex-husband in MY bedroom.
Tomorrow I am determined to stay out of the house until the visit is over. I’ll probably spend the day wandering the mall and the library. I’d much rather be alone in my home doing as I please, but I just cannot take anymore time with him!
I’m hoping I get called in to work and then I will have something to do and someplace to be!!
