When I first made the decision to divorce my husband my mother (who is divorced) told me that it would hurt more before it got better. I was in such a low place at the time that I couldn’t believe that I could possibly feel worse. But she was right. There have been many twists and turns along the way and I have reached lows that I didn’t know existed.
People tell you how painful divorce is and how awful it is to go through, but you really can never understand until you’ve been through it yourself. There are so many factors involved. So many changes. So many difficult decisions to make. Trips to court, custody battles, moving, and starting over again.
It’s been over a year since my divorce was finalized and there are still painful reminders of what I once had. I was living the American Dream and then – poof – it was gone. Something like that is not easy to get over.
I went through a lot with my ex before I finally decided that it was over. Our relationship was destroying me and affecting my parenting. I knew that if I stayed with him the rest of my life would be miserable.
My ex-husband’s family was less than supportive of me. I hear stories of divorcees who maintain relationships with their ex-in-laws. My ex mother and father-in-law cut me out of their lives completely. They are kind of crazy so it wasn’t such a big deal. But my ex-husband’s brother , J, and his wife, C, were among my closest friends at the time. They were the first ones to meet each of my babies. They stayed by my side during my darkest days. When ex and I first split they tried to remain neutral, but it became complicated. Ultimately, they made the decision to cut ties with me. It was one of the most painful results of my divorce. I lost 2 of my closest friends and allies. Over the past 2 years I’ve heard bits and pieces about their lives and what they are up to now.
They moved to another part of the country because they wanted to start a family away from my ex’s family.
This week they welcomed their first child and it shook me to my core. These people who were there for me every step of the way through both of my pregnancies, who hosted my baby shower, and were an important part of my babies’ lives are now parents and I will, likely, never meet their child.
I have no idea what to do with the pain that this has caused me. I guess that with time I will get over it. It’s just another reminder of the pain that divorce causes.
